You want results? Here’s your damn results:

THANKS FOR SHOWING UP, EVERYONE. Observe here: the only activity that took place on the field at kickball-o-clock was the sudden, violent breaking of two hearts. Please, let’s have a better turnout next time.

Not shown: Two players limply kicking a ball back and forth between one another, and the both of them stopping because it’s hard to kick a ball when you’re crying.