Remember in the romantic comedy Saving Private Ryan when those brave souls stepped off the ship and were slaughtered by a hail of bullets? Picture that happening in Speedway Park on Sunday, except instead of bullets were red kickballs, and instead of grizzled soldiers were blindingly attractive people with their whole lives ahead of them, choosing to ignore responsibility and instead play a children’s game in the park, in the sun. Admittedly, my team (the marvelous “Kick-Ass”) was on the bad end of a lot of the kickballs, but no one truly loses during these SFKBC games (except the team with the least amount of points at the end of the game, I mean).

More fun than a barrel of monkeys and even more chaotic than unleashing said barrel of monkeys inside of a banana factory, the third official session of the SFKBC was just as wonderful as the last. The teams were divided up completely randomly (there will be no more team captains picking players) and team names were picked: the exceptionally agile and studious Kick-Ass vs. the sassy, mildly telepathic Ball-Crushers, with the Ball-Crushers valiantly coming out on top with a score of 3-2, despite our team’s best efforts to cheat/heckle/cheat and heckle at the same time.

Kick-Ass Ball-Stompers

Variety is the spice of life, so we changed up the size of the ball we used. If you’d like a more scientific example with hard-hitting facts, here’s some knowledge we can drop on you with this bone-crushingly accurate diagram:

Previous kickball size: O

Current kickball size: o

We found this ball to travel farther, faster, and yet be easier to catch than a mild case of Pink Eye. Because it’s more compact, kicking it was a little less awkward than a middle-school Valentine’s Day dance where the principle is drunk. I would like to thank, again, all of the people who showed up – it’s terrific to see so many of you there who also manage to be so enthusiastic, friendly, and fun about a game that should be all of those things anyway. I, personally, have enjoyed meeting every single of one you, and honestly thank everyone who showed up. It was a pleasure being team captain again, though any background check done on me would immediately invalidate that position due to a fiasco in a Little League game that I coached years ago where my whole team cleared the bench to fight. And by “whole team”, I mean “me”. Say no to drugs, everyone.

We had a great time, and more friends were made. We’d love to have you in the loop, so as a reminder, take this link and memorize it and never forget it, ever:

San Francisco Kickball Coalition Facebook Fan Page:

Using that page will keep you updated on future games, and you can also stay wise with the Schedule link on this site.

Check it: the next game is at the Pioneer East Meadow, where we played on April 20th. Consult the map for directions; bikes are recommended to get there. Bring your friends, and we hope to see you there!